Beautiful Light

“We turn not older with years, but newer every day.” - Emily Dickinson

It’s funny how excited I got when I saw the sun shining for a few days in a row.
I told myself to not get my hopes up. I did. And then it got colder.
AND THEN IT SNOWED AGAIN.

This year I have experienced a sadness during our winter that I never had before.
Life is anxiously growing tougher while time does not stop.

When I took these images, I remember thinking how beautiful the light looked despite it being so cold outside.
The inside of our small home was warm, inviting, and humming with excitement as we waited for our family to stop by for dinner.

This winter season has taught me some very important lessons.
Firstly, it is not fun to receive terrible news during Christmas season. It makes everything gloomy.
Right before Christmas is when we were told that my dad would not live much longer.

Secondly, I realized that waiting for something bad to happen eats at you and drives you insane.
Some would say that is common sense, but how does one turn off one’s thoughts filled with worries and rage and frustrations?

Thirdly, I realized that I can still feel warmth and be hugged by light regardless of how cold it is.
Cheesy metaphor, I know.
But I am now realizing that I can enjoy my father and mourn with him all at once.

These images will mean so much to me forever.
I have had a very hard time photographing my father these last two years.
And interestingly enough I photograph spaces he has walked through or places he has spent time in.
But I can’t quite bring myself to take his picture and to see all the pain he is in.

But I am working on it, I am trying harder to overcome this fear of mine that I didn’t even know was a fear until not too long ago.

But there is something so beautifully and ironically terrifying of continually photographing memories without him in them.