Welcoming a little of my life back...

Hello to whoever is reading!

After a year and a half of contemplating whether or not I would continue with our blog, I decided, why the hell not?

My second to last post was made the day before my father died.
And my last blog post was published because it was sitting so perfectly written and constructed in my drafts with a date and time to self-publish.

What an amazing concept.

Today, I sit at my computer staring at the screen unable to find words, meaning, or desire to construct an aesthetically pleasing blog post, full of pictures immaculately edited to match, puns and carefully crafted stories to reach those who might be reading.

Today, I don’t care as much.
As I have come to learn the last 517 days since I saw my poor father take his last breath after hours and hours of suffering, life is not what I once thought it was.
It is fleeing, quick, unforgiving, and continually in motion.

And I used to romanticize those concepts as if I knew that they meant.
Today, I laugh at past me for ever thinking I knew pain, knew heartache, knew what it felt to feel completely and utterly defeated.

The great thing about all of this is that I feel different.
Not in a woe-is-me kind of a way. Not in a pessimistic kind of way; although I am aware this is sounding a lot like that. Haha.
I feel as if I can see clearly, as if I am now in on a big secret.
Life feels real all of a sudden.

As if knowing the greatest pain I have yet to know has removed some sort of blinders I once had.
It is incredibly beautiful, in a very dark and crude way.

In feeling different, I would like to allow myself to use this blog as whatever I might want.
Meaning, I don’t think there will be many rules, perhaps less structure, more of my soul and perhaps less of the perfectly crafted snapshots of my life.

I will still include fun remodels of my home, DIY content, and fun stories, but I will allow myself the patience to create that as I see fit.
As my soul longs for it.

Thank you if you are still reading.
Here is what has been on my mind the last 514 day.